this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
