It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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