She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize