I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
