just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
