D3 body, D1 cock
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
