I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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