I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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