you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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