I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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