btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
