watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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