But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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