Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
