His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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