I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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