Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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