if you like me you must not know who I am
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
