oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
