Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
