Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
