My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
