Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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