if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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