it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
