You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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