If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
