you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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