i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
