He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
