No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
