i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
