I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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