2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
