theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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