is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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