remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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