Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
