I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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