dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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