ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
