i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to sanitize my soul.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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