Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
