Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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