Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
