first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
