So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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