I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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