I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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