Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
