I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
