no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugly people sure do ruin things
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
