There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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