So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize