I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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