You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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