I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
