Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
