woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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