I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
