i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
