I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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