Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
