I murdered the dance floor call the cops
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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