She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
