tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
