im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
