i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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