You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
