I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
