i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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