(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
