i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
