Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
